My students term me weird and abnormal. They think that I’m different from what they perceive is normal for a human being. Well abnormal means anomalous (in Greek, an- not, homalous- even) which means irregular, out of pattern. Truly speaking, it’s nothing new for me to hear these adjectives. They have been said by different people in different circumstances at different periods of time in my life. And I have found it to be correct 99 out of 100 times. Yeah, I’m quite queer and sometimes my weirdness stupefies me as well!
Well, abnormality (out of norm) has been a feature of my existence and has stuck to me since my birth. I was born as a very weak child (had only a well formed head and butt). Nobody gave me more than a week to live. But I, with extreme care and love of my uncle and aunt, defeated all odds and am still living sound and actually have move towards the fatter side! While every child around me was walking on their fours, I was using my butt as the fulcrum to glide forward. I cried so much that not a single bird ever dared to venture towards my uncle’s house! Everyone used to think that I would be normal as soon as I grow up! They were wrong!
When my brother was born, I used to sit on him to test his weight taking capacity! You have guessed correct, I was spanked black and blue. As a kid, generally nobody has difficulty in finding friends. But yours truly was different, he needed biscuits as baits to catch friends. Bait finish, Friends gone! I was not able to get a single friend but what I got was chicken pox at the age of 4. This incompetency brought me close to my first love, books.
Another trait of my character is the uncanny love for written things. Let it be paan-stained newspaper cuttings, newspapers, hoardings, books or Hardy Boys. While others in my class were playing, I surprisingly was gulping books way beyond my reach. I read “Man on the moon” in class 4 or 5 and read “Hardy Boys”, “Nancy Drew” & “Three Investigators” in class 9. Totally other way round! I was so engrossed in my story books that I used to finish one every day and actually screwed my class-9th result! People used to think me over-smart as I used to discuss and argue with not only my class-mates but also with teachers and seniors. I actually had gulped copious amount of books on different subjects and needed to discuss them which often lead to arguments. This knowledge made my life chaotic. Now, it was becoming difficult to accept things without reasoning and with my reasoning always different, I am always at loggerheads.
(While people find order in symmetry, I find order in chaos. “Ordo ab chao” is the motto for me. This habit of mine has crept into my life-system and is in most probability going to stay forever.)
My weirdness obviously made me a loner. I was a library where people visit but don’t stay! People don’t understand me and I don’t understand them either. Till class-10th, at least I had friends. Later it became difficult for me to make friends and even acquaintances. The more I grew older, the more I became queer and loner. The biggest problem maybe is my disbelief in the institution of society and relations. I have always a different set of ideas regarding any topic and it more than often irks people! Like, I hate anyone who carries his religion, caste, community up his sleeve. But that’s not, I presume, how it works in the society. We are supposed to support a group or the other, preferably the majority but then Subhasish Chandra is weird, right!
These differences in opinions and views have led to the development of a trench in between me and others. Others think I am weird as I am not like them and I think why can’t they be like me? Obviously, the other side is in majority and I get the adjectives! There have been occasions when it becomes difficult for me to tolerate myself. I have been asked by many, including my mother, to be little normal. But for some reasons, I can’t get along with the norms of the society. If they fit me then I have no problems. Otherwise I have to protest or neglect them. In that case I will be decorated with the adjective. And frankly speaking I don’t like most of the social norms. Recently, I came out of a temple because it needed the worshipper to do his ‘aarti’ in Indian clothes which I didn’t like! My friend felt offended and thought my actions weird as well because I was not even going to do an ‘aarti’ over there!
This is not the only case. There are several occasions when my actions have actually offended people but I found it reasonable at that time and even though I felt bad later, not because of my actions but because someone else was hurt, it’s highly probable that I would repeat the same again! Just can’t help it. Pleasing others is something which is not in my veins and I hope it never appears as well. Hypocrisy just doesn’t work for me.
If you have seen the sitcom, “Big Bang Theory”, you can readily associate me with a person who is 80% Sheldon & 15% Leonard. Rest is a mix of Howard, Raj and even the comic book store owner, Stuart!
If you have found not a single trace of weirdness in me then you don’t know me at all.
If you have found weirdness in me and hence decided to keep a distance then you are a sensible being.
If you have found weirdness in me and yet like to associate with me then either you are a Mahatma or a weird like me.